🔥 FAQ: The Lies Women Tell Themselves—And Each Other

Introduction:

Women are taught subtle, comforting lies that keep us blind to our own oppression. These lies aren’t harmless; they sabotage our clarity, isolate us, and protect abusers. This guide dismantles the most common scripts, so we can see—and act—together:

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Q1: “You just need to get back on your feet.”

What it means: It’s your personal failure if you don’t “recover” quickly.

Why it’s wrong: It ignores the reality that repeated trauma, exhaustion, and systemic sabotage can make it impossible to stabilize alone.

What’s true instead: Many women can’t “bounce back” without protection, community, or systemic change—because the violence and threats don’t magically stop.

What to do about it: Replace individual pressure with collective care; ask how we can help each other build real safety, not just “resilience.” Connect to Connect the Dots.

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Q2: “We’re always the victims—so what’s the point?”

What it means: If victimization is constant, resistance is futile.

Why it’s wrong: This turns a necessary truth—that women are systematically targeted—into a defeatist excuse to accept oppression.

What’s true instead: It is incredibly insane and stupid to allow yourself to be killed while being obedient. Better—always better—to die fighting it, because compliance only guarantees continued abuse and emboldens oppressors.

What to do about it: Use the truth of our victimization to fuel solidarity and collective action, not resignation. Connect to Connect the Dots.

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Q3: “It’s capitalism’s fault, not patriarchy.”

What it means: The economic system is the true cause of women’s suffering.

Why it’s wrong: Patriarchy predates capitalism and thrives in every system.

Capitalism is fundamentally sane. It decentralizes wealth and power, depends on a healthy consumer base, and prefers women with money to buy things.

Patriarchy depends on a slave class. Patriarchs hate real capitalism because it gives that slave class—women—opportunities and freedom they wouldn’t otherwise have.

What’s true instead: The billionaires who dominate headlines and inspire rage are overwhelmingly men—men who have been rewarded for enslaving, exploiting, and stealing from women, directly or indirectly. They are fundamentally sociopaths because that is what patriarchy’s distorted version of capitalism rewards: not fair trade or value creation, but extraction and domination. Meanwhile, if a woman manages to achieve wealth or power, the system isolates and destroys her—as it’s trying to do to me right now.

What to do about it: Don’t blame the system alone; name the patriarchs who hijack every system to keep women powerless. Connect to Connect the Dots.

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Q4: “Some women are just crazy or bad—maybe that’s you.”

What it means: If women can be “bad,” then abuse must be deserved or unrelated to gendered violence.

Why it’s wrong: Pointing to individual women’s cruelty is a favorite patriarchal tactic; it shifts blame away from the system by turning women into scapegoats.

What’s true instead: Women can absolutely harm others, but they do so within a patriarchal structure that rewards their complicity. Male violence remains the foundation—and women’s participation often comes from survival strategies, conditioning, or trauma.

What to do about it: Call out female complicity, but never let it distract from the patriarchy that shapes, incentivizes, and depends on it. Connect to Connect the Dots.

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Q5: “At least you’re still alive; it could be worse.”

What it means: Minimizes the seriousness of abuse by implying survival alone should satisfy you.

Why it’s wrong: Survival without safety, justice, or healing is not enough; it leaves women stuck in cycles of harm.

What’s true instead: Every woman deserves not just to live, but to live free from threats, fear, and violence.

What to do about it: Affirm survival as the beginning of recovery, not the end. Connect to Connect the Dots.

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Q6: “Men are just like this. It’s natural.”

What it means: Male violence is an unchangeable fact of biology.

Why it’s wrong: Male violence is learned, normalized, and enforced; it is not innate or inevitable.

What’s true instead: Calling male cruelty “natural” excuses abuse and discourages accountability.

What to do about it: Reject biological determinism; demand that men unlearn violence and hold each other accountable. Connect to Connect the Dots.

Q7: “If women were in charge, it would just be the same—women would do this to men.”

What it means: Power itself is the problem, not patriarchy; flipping genders would just swap oppressors, so fighting patriarchy is pointless.

Why it’s wrong: This assumes men’s patterns of violence and control are universal and would automatically appear in women given power. But there is no historical precedent for women, as a class, systemically enslaving, raping, or oppressing men. Patriarchal violence is not simply “power corrupts”—it’s a specific cultural system that trains men to dominate and dehumanize half the human race to maintain their control.

What’s true instead: Women in power do not recreate patriarchy in reverse. In societies with more female leadership, rates of violence and oppression drop; empathy and collaborative decision-making rise.

What to do about it: Don’t accept cynical false equivalence. Work for balance and equity, knowing patriarchy is a unique, male-centered system of domination—not an inevitable outcome of any power dynamic. Connect to Connect the Dots.

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Q8: “I know some good men.”

What it means: Some men are exceptions to patriarchy; they’re kind, harmless, or loving, so patriarchy can’t be that bad or universal.

Why it’s wrong: A man who does not actively fight patriarchy is benefiting from it—silently or overtly—and that makes him complicit. Being personally nice or loving to individual women does not make him “good” if he remains indifferent to the system that harms women.

What’s true instead: Truly “good men” don’t just avoid hurting women—they drop everything to dismantle the patriarchal structures that protect male violence and silence women. Without that commitment, they are part of the problem. I personally know only two good men, and that’s because they spend every day on TikTok and YouTube calling out patriarchy—making themselves not just unpopular, but targets.

What to do about it: Stop measuring men’s goodness by their politeness or charm; measure it by their active resistance to patriarchy. Connect to Connect the Dots.

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Q9: “Men built the world.”

What it means: Because men constructed buildings, systems, and technologies, they inherently deserve power and gratitude; patriarchy is justified by men’s supposed indispensability.

Why it’s wrong: Men dominated history by excluding, enslaving, or silencing women. Women were systematically denied education, property rights, credit for their inventions, and freedom to create—yet despite these barriers, women have always contributed to science, medicine, art, and community. The world was not built by men; it was built on women’s stolen labor, ideas, and bodies.

What’s true instead: The world men built is not just based on theft—it is fundamentally inimical to women. The systems, laws, and cultural norms they created are poisonous to women’s safety, autonomy, and survival. There are many creators on TikTok actively dismantling this lie: historians and data scientists reaching back into history to recover women’s erased contributions. One of the most striking examples is Albert Einstein’s ex-wife, Mileva Marić, who many believe was the real brilliance behind his ideas.

What to do about it: Challenge the myth of male genius as justification for patriarchal power. Search TikTok for creators exposing these truths, recognize women’s hidden contributions, and work to build a world designed by everyone, not just men. Connect to Connect the Dots.

Q10: “White women are the most protected and spoiled people in America.”

What it means: White women supposedly enjoy untouchable privilege and safety, making any complaints about misogyny invalid or self-indulgent.

Why it’s wrong: While racism gives white women advantages over women of color, patriarchy still treats all women as property. White women are raped, murdered, trafficked, silenced, economically coerced, and stripped of rights every day—and that violence is often hidden precisely because they’re assumed to be “safe.” Patriarchy uses this myth to pit women against each other and distract from men’s violence.

What’s true instead:

Many white women are trapped in their homes, silently imprisoned by abusive partners, isolated in Christian communities that refuse to help, and left nowhere to turn.

There’s a double-edged sword: because Black women and Black men are recognized as targeted groups, they sometimes find solidarity networks; white women, wrongly seen as “untouchable,” can find themselves uniquely unsupported and gaslit.

The slur “Karen” has no male equivalent and is used to blame white women for systemic problems, shifting attention from patriarchy itself. Ending this slur is essential to keeping focus on dismantling male-dominated power.

What to do about it: Challenge anyone who claims white women “don’t need help” or “have it easy.” Recognize patriarchy’s divide-and-conquer tactics, reject misogynistic slurs like “Karen,” and fight racism and misogyny together. Connect to Connect the Dots.

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Q11: “I like manly men.”

What it means: Strong, aggressive, dominant men are desirable and proof of natural masculinity; “manly men” are safe if they love you.

Why it’s wrong: The idea of “manly men” is a patriarchal fantasy teaching women to desire men who embody traits of aggression, dominance, and control. From the time we’re kids, we’re fed this fantasy: romance novels, TV shows, and movies bombard girls with stories of impossibly strong yet secretly tender men—models of masculinity that don’t exist in real life but were invented by men to keep women longing for and excusing controlling behavior. This indoctrination normalizes male entitlement and trains women to see violence or possessiveness as passion.

What’s true instead: True strength in men looks like emotional intelligence, gentleness, accountability, and active resistance to patriarchy. A man who must dominate to feel manly is weak, not strong.

What to do about it: Deconstruct your attraction to toxic masculinity; question where it came from, how it was planted in your mind, and why. Seek relationships based on mutual respect, not dominance. Connect to Connect the Dots.

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Q12: “Why should I give money to women?”

What it means: Women’s needs aren’t urgent, or helping women financially isn’t necessary; charity should go elsewhere.

Why it’s wrong: The primary method patriarchy uses to control women is economic deprivation—keeping us impoverished, dependent, and trapped. A 2019 study found that only 1.9% of all charitable giving goes to women’s issues, despite women being over half the population and the majority of the world’s poor. This is by design: patriarchy ensures money flows to causes that maintain male control.

What’s true instead: Giving money directly to women—especially survivors, single mothers, and activists—directly disrupts patriarchal systems. But this must go hand-in-hand with protecting women’s safety, enforcing property rights, and building networks of solidarity. Without protection, empowered women become targets. We saw this after #MeToo: women who spoke out were isolated, attacked, and financially destroyed because there were no systems to shield them once they stepped into power.

What to do about it: Give money to women—and work to create structures that protect them and their resources. Prioritize supporting women-led causes, businesses, and direct mutual aid, while demanding real accountability for violence against women who rise. Economic liberation is the foundation of every other kind of freedom. Connect to Connect the Dots.

Q13: “I’m more concerned about Trump and his policies right now than women’s issues.”

What it means: Women’s oppression is secondary; broader political threats like Trump are more urgent, so fighting patriarchy can wait.

Why it’s wrong: Patriarchy is the operating system of every authoritarian regime—including Trump’s movement. His power depends on violently enforcing male dominance, stripping women’s rights, and normalizing gender-based hate. And the most powerful, intentional strategy of these movements is hiding the fact that it’s the patriarchy itself sustaining them. When women focus only on electoral politics or party loyalty without seeing the patriarchy at the core, we stay fragmented and ineffective—just as they want.

What’s true instead: Fighting patriarchy is fighting authoritarianism. Prioritizing women’s safety, autonomy, and power is the most effective way to weaken fascism’s core support.

What to do about it: Don’t let fear of men’s disapproval or discomfort make you complicit. Expose patriarchy as the engine behind authoritarian power—and demand every fight for democracy and justice put women’s liberation at the center. Connect to Connect the Dots.

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Q14 “If there’s a holocaust targeting women, with so many women dying, how come I’m not hearing about it anywhere?”

What it means: Mass violence can’t exist without widespread coverage; if it were real, everyone would know, so the claim must be exaggerated or false.

Why it’s wrong: Women are murdered, trafficked, beaten, raped, and economically erased at staggering rates—yet these acts are fragmented into individual tragedies, rarely connected into a pattern. The normalization of male violence against women, coupled with media silence, makes the systemic nature of the slaughter invisible.

What’s true instead: Worldwide, femicide is the leading cause of death for women in many age groups. Rates of sexual violence, maternal mortality from denied care, and murders of women by partners are epidemic-level—but because patriarchy controls the narrative, it’s not framed as a coordinated, gendered holocaust.

What to do about it: Seek data from women’s organizations, human rights groups, and global studies on gender-based violence. Connect to Connect the Dots.

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Q15: “I need to marry a rich man for mine and my children’s safety.”

What it means: Because women can’t secure protection or stability on their own, they must attach themselves to wealthy men—who are framed as protectors rather than threats.

Why it’s wrong: This is the protection racket at the heart of patriarchy: men create the danger, then demand women submit to them in exchange for temporary safety. Rich men, in particular, are often aligned with sociopathic patriarchal networks because that’s how they gained and kept their wealth—and they are statistically more likely to commit abuse and avoid consequences.

What’s true instead: Slaves don’t love their masters, and masters don’t love their slaves; relationships based on coercion, dependence, or forced protection are not love—they’re captivity. The myth of the “gold digger” is a smear to shame women who seek security in a system that denies them independent safety while pretending it’s possible.

My story: When I married, I believed he would protect me. Instead, my ex-husband stole $20 million from me, took the house I built, and left me homeless and endangered every day—while he lives safely in the home that should be mine. This is the reality for countless women: the system forces them into dangerous dependence, then punishes them for it.

What to do about it: Demand systems that protect women’s safety without requiring male “ownership” or control. Refuse to shame women for trying to survive in a world stacked against them. Connect to Connect the Dots.

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Closing:

These lies persist because they’re repeated—by friends, family, and media—until they feel true. We are all the proverbial frog slowly being boiled alive without even realizing it. Seeing these lies clearly, using our critical thinking, using our collective experience with oppression, listening and caring for each other, gives us power. Rejecting them together breaks the silence that patriarchy needs to survive. Connect to Connect the Dots.